


The Electric Company

by Snooky



Category: Hogan's Heroes (TV 1965)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:20:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24998218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snooky/pseuds/Snooky
Summary: They should have paid more attention to the dogs! For the 2020 SSSW challenge on ff.net. Also posted on ff.net.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	The Electric Company

_The Electric Company_

_They should have paid more attention to the dogs._

It all started with a succession of minor brownouts. Annoying, but nothing to concern anyone. The prisoners and the German staff shrugged it off as a consequence of war. After all, civilians in the area often went days without electricity.

However, when these brownouts morphed into blackouts? Well that was, as some Americans would say, a whole 'nother ballgame.

Schultz was conducting a normal bed check when the lights went out.

Newkirk tripped over a very large foot; only the edge of a bunk saved him from falling onto the floor. " **Sorry, about that, Schultz**."

Schultz grunted. "Colonel Hogan," he yelled. "Please tell me everyone is here." The sergeant was sick of conducting his business in the dark. He mentally kicked himself for forgetting his flashlight. Although, given the circumstances, they were now rationing batteries throughout the sector, including the camp. He could not recall if he had replaced them.

Prisoners were striking matches, the flames producing the kind of eerie shadows and faces reminiscent of the latest Hollywood B horror movies.

Hogan, carrying one of the precious lanterns—the oil supply was short and they were being carefully rationed-entered the common room. "Everyone is here. I told you that last night, and the night before, and the night before that." He stepped forward. "In fact, why hasn't Klink fixed this? These blackouts are affecting our morale. We're usually short of electricity as it is."

The aforementioned Kommandant was, in fact, on the phone, complaining to the local group of army engineers about the problem. The camp electrician had deserted several months ago and, so far, no one was willing to send a replacement.

"I'm sorry, Kommandant. But, we've been ordered to move out. "

Klink grew apoplectic. "I asked for someone to come out here a week ago." Klink rubbed his forehead in frustration. "Why didn't someone come, and why wasn't I told?"

"We were busy. Secret orders," was the reply. "Let me see, sir." There was a pause as Klink could hear papers rustling and voices in the background.

"Hold on, sir. No, that sir. At the prison camp. Not you, sir. I know we needed to shore up that bridge before we left, **but you can't get the wood, you know**."

"When are you moving out?" Klink repeated.

"Um. Now."

Schultz warned the prisoners about monkey business and gingerly left the hut.

* * *

"Colonel, we can't continue like this," Kinch stated.

"I know. Once Klink finds someone to conduct a thorough check, and they start digging, they could locate some of our wires, and what's worse, the tunnels." Hogan decided to make another visit to Klink's office the first thing in the morning. He had done this repeatedly over the last few weeks, to no avail. Due to heightened security-a result of the electrical problems-his operation was now severely curtailed. Requests for extra batteries and other supplies were denied. London couldn't make a drop. This was due to both bad weather and operations undertaken in other areas-actions that took precedence.

Tunnel work, including radio monitoring, was also on ice. He sighed as he walked across the compound the next morning, the torrential rain doing nothing to improve his mood. As he glanced at the dog pen, he noticed the animals were in a frenzy. Schnitzer had been making multiple trips to the camp. His dogs back at the farm were acting strangely as well, and he could not pinpoint exactly what their problem was.

LeBeau was periodically able to calm them down with food, but once away from the corporal, they began to pace and bark in ways everyone found alarming. Even the gentle Blumchen was worked up to the point that she managed to tear herself away from Langenscheidt and run pell-mell throughout the camp. She was later discovered by prisoners from Barracks 14, furiously digging at the edge of their hut.

On his last trip, Schnitzer smuggled in two fliers, both of whom were now hiding in the tunnels, often in complete darkness.

Hogan tried to think of a way to get Klink to allow the prisoners to do a massive check of the electrical systems in and out of camp. Assigning creative career choices to some of his men used to work on the Kommandant, but for some reason, Klink was suddenly adamant about using only Germans to investigate the problem, determine what it was, and fix it. There were qualified men imprisoned throughout the camp. After all, many of them worked on the electrical systems of planes. Aside from conducting constant repairs in the tunnels, they had been unable to find out the cause of the issue. Sneaking a qualified Underground agent in was not possible. They couldn't spare anyone.

What a time for Klink to do actually do his job, Hogan reminded himself. He had to come up with a new angle and fast. "You're right," he said after listening to his men's suggestions. **"I think the hardest thing is to sell the story** ," But what happens when you no longer have a story to sell?

* * *

Hogan braved the horrid weather and marched up the stairs to the Kommandanteur. He entered and discovered Schultz leaning back in Hilda's chair, his feet resting on her desk. "Ahem," Hogan said loudly, hoping to wake up the sergeant.

" **I don't like this game** ," Schultz muttered.

"Schultz!" Hogan said in a loud voice.

That did the trick. Schultz immediately sprung to his feet, tipping over the chair in the process. "Colonel Hogan; you startled me!"

"Wake you up from a bad dream?" Hogan leaned on the desk and gave Schultz a grin.

Schultz picked up the chair. "No," he lied. "I take it you want to see the bigshot? If it is about the electricity…" As he said that, the lights flickered on, then off, and then on again; and then they finally fizzled out. "He's been on the phone all morning."

"I'll announce myself." Hogan brazenly opened the door and entered Klink's office in time to see the Kommandant slam down the phone.

"Schultz, what do you want? Hoogaaan, what are you doing here?"

The colonel took off his wet jacket and crush cap, hung them on the coat rack, and then sat down on the chair in front of the desk. "I'm here about the electricity. According to the Geneva Convention…"

Klink slammed his hand down. Hard. Trying to ignore the pain, he leaned forward in as menacing a fashion he could muster. "There is nothing in there about electrical problems. Besides, that is what you tried to put over on me yesterday."

"Ah." Hogan coughed. "Well, what happens if the men get so fed up with no electricity, they decide to escape? I can't control all of them you know."

"That was your story the day before yesterday," Klink replied.

 _I'm losing my touch,_ Hogan thought for a moment. "The searchlights aren't working."

"They are self-contained battery operated units." Klink sat back in his chair and steepled his hands. He neglected to mention they were running out of juice. "Hogan, I am very busy trying to handle this crisis. It is not only here but in the entire sector of…"

"Of which you are Kommandant," Hogan reminded him.

"Yes. No one escapes from Stalag 13, so on and so forth. You know that. I am tired of repeating myself. And in this crisis, anyone trying to escape will be shot."

"Well, thanks for letting me know. That's very harsh. And when General Burkhalter finds out; I mean your record is not only perfect, but not a single prisoner in this camp has um, you know. Well, you've never lost one. Remember the award you received from the Red Cross? And those thank you cards from the prisoners. The fair, impartial, and humane Kommandant. Surprised you haven't had any of those framed, sir."

"I do not remember…what do you mean when General Burkhalter finds out?"

"He has a reputation. And our conditions and treatment get back to the Allies. Let me remind you that we have lots of your prisoners as well, sir." Hogan was now on a roll **and loving it**. He wished his men were listening in, but as the lights flickered again, he knew they were in the dark in more ways than one. With a final fizzle and a pop, the lights died. "Minor issues such as these can mushroom and dampen a man's record. I don't know if they even have electricity on the Russian front."

Klink swallowed the lump in his throat. "Hogan, the engineering unit can't help. I have tried calling every contractor in the area. But they never return my calls. Wait, one showed up days ago, and not only did he not get me an estimate, but he disappeared."

Hogan could empathize, as contractors were a notorious breed. But this was urgent. He leapt up from his chair and began to pace. " **Why is everyone so stubborn in this country?** "

"Hoogaaaan!"

He turned and faced Klink. "Kommandant, with all due respect, I'm losing my patience. I've offered to bring in some of my men to investigate the situation. They're able to take apart and put back airplane electrical systems while in the air. I think they might be able to sort this out in camp. Maybe even find out what the problem is in the area. I've spoken to them and they think it may be an outside problem. Don't be so stubborn and refuse help when it's offered. This affects all of us." _Especially us. Everything is on the fritz._

He could see Klink mulling it over. _C'mon Klink. Stop being a milquetoast and use your authority._

Finally, the Kommandant caved.

* * *

One group of flight engineers, accompanied by Hogan and a small group of guards, began their investigation inside the camp. They would also check the perimeter outside the fencing. The second set of men, accompanied by Kinch and a much larger group of guards-including Schultz-left in a truck and began their investigation in town, planning on tracking problems in the grid leading down Hamelburg Road and back towards the camp.

Klink was breathing down their necks, prompting Hogan to turn and ask the Kommandant to back off. "You're making my men nervous," he warned as his men methodically traced wires outside the fencing.

The Kommandant was having second thoughts. Here he had a group of actual prisoners rummaging around wires, lights, and other measures put in place to keep them inside. What if the local Gestapo found out about this? His retort to Hogan was interrupted by another dog emergency. This time, the entire resting population of the dog pen had managed to escape. The dogs currently out with the guards joined the frenzy. All work froze, and both the prisoners and the guards attempted to either corral the animals or catch them. A frightened Klink nimbly tried to get into a tree, unfortunately failing the attempt at catching the first branch, falling down on his rear as his crop and monocle went flying.

Hogan sighed and looked at Newkirk, who had joined the group outside without anyone noticing. The corporal chuckled. "Poor Klink. He almost had 'old of that branch. **Missed it by that much**." He held out his arms, his hands separated by about a foot.

A young guard timidly walked over to the Kommandant. "Help you up, sir?"

"Yes, you dummkopf." Klink held out his hand, which the guard grabbed, and got himself to his feet. A prisoner handed Klink his crop and the monocle. "Mmmph." Klink stormed off, only turning to say to Hogan, "I'm going to my quarters."

"Back to work fellas." Hogan managed to grab the collar of one of the dogs. "Wolfgang, what is going on with you?"

* * *

Meanwhile, the group of flight engineers, guards and Kinch made a discovery. They were at a small unmanned and unguarded substation; one they had never sabotaged, as it fed civilian lines and one line to the camp.

"Look at this, sergeant." Flight engineer Jim MacCrindle pointed to a small set of parts. "They're slightly damaged. Looks like someone or something chewed through. Not enough to kill the entire system, but enough to cause problems. Would never have found these if we hadn't dug further in," he explained.

"Can it be fixed?" asked one of the guards.

"Easily if you have the parts. Give me your notebook and I'll write down what you need," Jim said. "Then it can be fixed."

Kinch was examining the damage for himself. Nothing else had been discovered at the substation, and he couldn't help but wonder if this was enough damage to cause the now-constant brownouts and blackouts in town and inside the camp.

They left the fenced in area and began heading for the truck, when they stopped; their exit thwarted when they heard a cacophony of dogs barking nearby. Men took off in different directions as they spied the group of canines heading their way. The guards ignored their only job, which was guarding the prisoners. The dog pack consisted of a large mix of domestic pets gone wild due to the war, and those obviously still with their owners.

"What the heck?" Kinch yelled as he and the men with him ran towards one another and hoisted themselves up into the back of the truck. The dogs ignored them as they whined, and the animals began digging in the dirt near one of the poles encased in concrete. The guards, failing to remember their function, scattered. One, a tall and lanky new recruit, fell and scrambled backward, losing his gun in the process.

"Hey, corporal, watch out for the…"

Kinch's warning fell on deaf ears, as the hapless guard fell backwards into a large puddle formed by the current monsoon-like conditions and bad drainage. The other two guards stopped, and seeing their flailing comrade, immediately headed over to him to perform a rescue.

" **He's fallen in the water**!" A breathless Schultz stated the obvious as his life and command flashed before his eyes. Losing a guard was not in the equation, and he could not even begin to imagine how he would put this in a report.

"Stop! There's live wires!" Kinch's firm voice halted both the dog pack and the guards' attempt at a rescue. After a few seconds, he and his fellow POWs jumped off the truck and stood near the puddle.

"Well, this is a pickle, isn't it?" Taylor, one of Newkirk's fellow Cockneys, commented as he attempted to wipe the rain off his brow. "E missed the wire. **Missed it by that much**." Taylor held his hands apart. "Six inches if you're measuring. He'd be brown bread if you hadn't stopped him, mate." He gave Kinch a friendly slap on the back.

"Yeah. Well, let's get him out safely."

"What about the dogs?" MacCrindle pointed to the pack roaming around the area. It appeared one of the guards had a sandwich in his pocket, and he was leading the animals away from the group by tossing little pieces of the bread and meat in the opposite direction. Food trumped whatever had the dogs riled up and they began to disperse. "Ah, that's good thinking."

Kinch walked up to Schultz. "We have to get your man out and then get to the next station. There could be other problems."

* * *

A message from the outside group informed the men at camp that an issue with a substation was found. They were also informed that it appeared that something other than wear or tear was the culprit.

Not surprisingly, that was the exact diagnosis made by the experts checking the system in and out of camp. Part of the problem was discovered in places that gave Hogan apoplexy-places that if discovered could have led to a firing squad. Fortunately, convincing Klink to allow his men to do the work prevented that fate. As usual, he and his men used their skillful use of distraction to focus the guard's attention on safer spaces, while his men were finally able to get down into the nitty-gritty from the ground up. Meanwhile, a message was sent to have Carter report to the group. He was as close to an animal expert as they had.

"We couldn't have found this any other way, sir," A flight engineer explained. "It's close enough to the surface. But unfortunately, it's equally as close to the tunnel system, which may have eventually been discovered."

"So we dodged a bullet," Hogan said quietly. The offending system was quickly repaired and covered over without the guards noticing. He paused as he spied the truck carrying the other group of prisoners stopping at the roadside. The men and guards left the truck and headed over to the other group, while the driver took the vehicle into camp.

"Yes, Colonel. In more ways than one. Look." The engineer held up a few wires. "Like Kinch said, this isn't wear or tear. Looks like it's been chewed."

"Wouldn't they have been electrocuted?" asked a guard who had sauntered over.

"Not if they weren't grounded," the engineer explained to the guard. "Blumchen, go away."

The small shepherd had again escaped from captivity. She paused to lick the prisoner and then ran around in circles, barking as another dog joined her. They then took off. The guards and prisoners turned and watched with amusement as Langenscheidt and a few other guards began chasing the guard dogs. The guards watching the men put the fact that the prisoners seemed to be on good terms with one of the guard dogs out of their mind. They were fully in the no-nothing camp. Schultz did not get to be their boss-and remain alive-by tattling. Besides, they all knew Colonel Hogan was the one actually in charge of the camp, even if Klink didn't get the memo.

Kinch and the other group approached, and one of the engineers explained that the problem they discovered was due to animal sabotage.

"The driver is reporting this to the Kommandant, sir."

"Good. Thanks, Kinch." Hogan looked up at the sky gratefully, as the rain died off. He guessed the next heavy rain band would be coming through within the hour. "So. Seems we're all in agreement that this electrical problem, at least where our grid is concerned, has also been sabotaged by animals?"

"I'd say that is a good guess, sir," replied Carter, who had knelt down on the ground. He appeared to be looking for tracks.

They paused and turned their heads rapidly from right to left as Luft Stalag 13's version of the Keystone cops chased after another group of guard dogs. This time, the pack stopped dead in their tracks by a group of trees. The guards, already slipping and sliding on the wet and muddy ground, went flying, landing in a messy pile. The whining and barking dogs stood their ground, but Hogan could swear, once he got closer, that a few of the canines were giving him looks that mimicked utter frustration. As if they were saying, "how many times do we have to tell you? It's not our fault you don't speak dog."

Carter spoke dog. Or at least a reasonable facsimile. He grinned from ear to ear.

"The dogs are trying to tell us something. What's the one thing that will distract any dog?"

"A T-bone," Hogan quipped.

"Well, that's true, I guess, sir. But what else?"

"Blimey, I don't know, Carter," Newkirk answered. "They bark at air molecules. Get to the point."

 **"You wouldn't immediately think squirrel, would you?** " Carter pointed at the dogs now standing guard duty at the clump of trees.

The mouths of the entire company of POWs dropped.

"Good grief. How could we have been so stupid?" someone mumbled.

Hogan turned, and the colonel could have sworn that the alpha dog, Wolfgang, was silently berating him and everyone else for ignoring the obvious. Now that it had stopped raining, he could hear the familiar sounds of the guilty parties (that would be both the guards and the prisoners) talking back to the dogs.

After repairs were started on the various damages scattered throughout the inside and outside of camp, and the dogs were finally corralled, Hogan reported to the Kommandant.

* * *

"Eichhörnchen. Our infrastructure was brought down by an infestation of Eichhörnchen?" Klink never got the hang of being able to pronounce the English word for the annoying creatures.

"Yes, sir. Here, and also outside of camp. Sciurus vulgaris. The European red squirrel. They are kind of cute, but they can do a lot of damage. One time, we had squirrels in our attic, and my father, he…"

"Hogan, I am not interested in your animal stories. What I am interested in is getting the electrical systems fixed."

"My men are working on it, sir. Should be done no later than tomorrow; if we get enough breaks from the rain."

"And once the electricity is fixed, how can we be sure these animals will no longer be an issue?"

"Our electrical experts are shoring up the wiring, etc. Black mark for your German workmanship," Hogan chuckled and then quickly stopped when he saw the look on Klink's face.

"And Sergeant Carter knows animals." Hogan said this with a sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach, hoping he wouldn't soon find a new hut mascot taking up residence. The gentle sergeant refused to do anything that would harm the rodents, although multiple personnel offered to make stew. Rather than face a mutiny-after all, he needed his explosives and chemical expert—to LeBeau's frustration, Hogan put a kibosh on having rodents on the menu. Carter swore he knew traditional and harmless ways that would keep the squirrels away from the electrical systems. He even stole out of camp one night, with Hogan's permission, and did the same at the substation outside of town.

"You sure this will work, Andrew?" Newark couldn't believe he was out there setting up animal-friendly, humane deterrent systems.

" **How would I know, if I've never tried yet?** " Carter replied.

"You lied to Colonel Hogan? Blimey, please tell me you've done this before."

"Not for squirrels, Peter. Just deer. But it should work."

Newkirk spun away. "Give me strength," he said as he looked up at the sky. "This had better work, or the guv'nor will 'ave your guts for garters."

"Only if you tell him, Newkirk. Only if you tell him."

_The end_

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for the insults made about contractors. And, I don't have any real knowledge about electricity. I did the best I could with the technology.
> 
> Blumchen is my own OC. I've featured her in several of my stories. She hangs out with Langenscheidt.
> 
> I do love squirrels. However, getting one in your attic and/or basement is a recipe for disaster. Been there, done that.
> 
> From Wikipedia: "The European red squirrel (Sciurus vulgaris) is a tree squirrel, native to Germany. The eastern gray squirrel ( Sciurus carolinensis), is an American tree squirrel who lives in Germany but is not native. The European ground squirrel (Spermophilus citellus), native to Germany, lives in underground burrows."


End file.
